Now,they’re not caring
Whatever, they’re still nice and fun
Fake, though

Fake smile, fake greetings
Fake hello, fake laughter

Can’t hate them
They’ve showed me the world

No, no
I must stay away from them
They’re fake

Dilemma
In between
Stay away from fake people
or
Still be one of them but they keep goofing me around

Choose the last one?
Then I’ll be as fake as them

Maybe I should stick to the first choice

Oh well, I have no idea.

I miss my creativity. I miss my imagination.

Raw but delicious thoughts, simple but not lame.

I risk my sleeping hours. I’m ashamed of God.

Elusive imaginary world only I have it.

Comforting ideas, I terribly need them.

To soothe my trouble brain. To cure my self-esteem.

Possibility’s risky. I know.

But abstraction’s not counted.

It’s f-ing boring. Have no idea wat to do here in office, so I just fill out this stuff I found in feel_so_unpretty xanga site.

20 Random facts about me…
Started at 10.30

1. I’m SHY (Simple, Humble, and Young)
2. I love cyber world
3. I have too much recess time I update my sites and profiles this often. I even work on my friends’ profiles. What a life!!
4. I know that it’s bad thinking negatively bout myself, but I can’t help myself
5. I love my friends, but I can’t put my trust on them. Too much betrayal in the past.
6. I can’t easily say ‘no’
7. I’m an Emo girl. I depend my life on my mood
8. I’m way too lazy to make up
9. I hate waiting and arguing
10. I can still smile to people I hate and talk to them like nothing happens. Two-faced really. Why? Coz people are sometimes too stupid to realize that they have hurt somebody, so I just let them think that they’re nice people. It’s not my part taking revenge on them. I just play my part
11. I hate smoke and people who smoke. They’re way too silly to take care of their health. Oh no.. Daddd… not you!! I still love you though you smoke like a train!! Really!! I mean it! It’s just I can’t stand the smoke, that’s all…
12. My sister is taller and slimmer than me. I’m just vice versa.
13. I’m stupid at Math, Physics, Chemistry, and other lessons dealing with numbers. I hate numbers. (Except money )
14. When I’m not in front of computer, I start imagining…bout anything, my future, my past, my recent boring life.
15. I love junk food. I hate veggies
16. I’d be mad at people borrowing my stuff and break them without saying sorry or do anything to fix them
17. I like music. What would this would be without music? Hmm, dangdut? Heck no!! It’s out of list!!
18. I’m not Ms. Matching. I wear boring outfit and I know people are getting bored, but what can I do? Maybe I should take a fashion course or something.
19. I hate my hair
20. I love my family too much I’m afraid I’ll let them down

TEN YEARS AGO I…
was always afraid looking straight in the eyes at people.

FIVE YEARS AGO I…
lost the love of my life

ONE YEAR AGO I…
quit my teaching job and tried to make my life better (Still haven’t worked out until now)

YESTERDAY I…
worked, worked, and worked

FIVE SNACKS I ENJOY…
-fruit
-cheese
-chocolate
-noodles
-junk food

FIVE SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO (somewhat )
-Accoustic album by Firehouse
-Several Britney’s songs
-Ebiet songs
-Don’t Speak – No Doubt
-MLTR songs

FIVE THINGS I WOULD DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS
1. buy cars and houses
2. redo myself (not plastic surgery, I’m not retarded)
3. give some for charity
4. adopt cute children (can we just adopt cute guys??????)
5. traveling around the world

FIVE BAD HABITS
1. negative thinking
2. can’t say ‘no’
3. bonehead
4. can’t stop browsing the net
5. laughing out loud

FIVE BIGGEST JOYS
1. Family
2. CDs, VCDs, DVDs, Cassettes, Internet
3. Novels
4. Hang out with best friends, sharing joy and laughter
5. Finally able to say ‘no’

FIVE FAVORITE TOYS
1. computer
2. pigs porcelain
3. computer
4. computer
5. computer

FIVE PLACES I’D LIKE TO RUN AWAY TO
1. US
2. Canada
3.Japan

4. Korea

5. Taiwan

FIVE THINGS I WOULD NEVER WEAR
1. Slutty lingerie
2. Hooker boots
3. Bikini
4. Too mini skirt
5. Nothing

FIVE FAVORITE TV SHOWS
1. That 70’s Show
2. Friends
3. Oprah
4. COVINGTON CROSS
5. Ricki Lake(where the heck is that show now?)

Name Thirteen People you know:
1. Mega
2. Novi
3. Yunita
4. Stefanie
5. Sonya
6. Adita
7. Cathrine
8. Ivan
9. Benny
10. Ayu
11. Ira
12. Gito
13. Ninien

What if #8 turned out to be your future son/daughter?: Are you crazy?
Is there any chance that you would rape #1?:: YACK! She’s my little sister! And I’m not a LEZZ
What is #7’s favorite sport?:: Have no idea. Football maybe
Does #12 likes to play Video Games?:: Huehuehe, God, have no clue. He was an Office Boy in ma old company
Does #6 enjoy reading?::Yup!
Have you ever gave #2 a hug?:: Hmm, no
What is #5’s fantasy?:: To meet the man of her life
What college does #11/will they attend?:: UI probably
Name a funny memory with #4?:: She can copy the sound of Hippo. Hipppoooo (high voice, plizz)
Is #3 in your contacts on your cellphone?:: Ya, definitely
Is #2 your best friend?:: One of them
Is #10 crazy?:: No way…
Does #1 have many lovers?:: Once again, it’s my sister. And MY SISTER IS NOT A BITCH YOU DIRTY LITTLE HOE!!!!
Do have a photo somewhere in your room of #4?:: Yaa
Ever dream of kissing #9?:: Ewww… no. And he’s got a girlfriend!!
What color hair does #9 have?:: Black
Did you have a dream last night in which #5 was involved?:: No
Is #10 good at math?:: Don’t know
What is #8’s favorite movie?:: No clue
Does #11 have a bad temper?:: huehuehuehehe no… she’s nice
Have you/Do you have any classes with #6?:: yeah, 6^th grade elementary school
Does #12 live in the same town as you?:: Don’t think so
Does #7 have a job of any kind? :: Clerk!? Pig, is it right u say kasir with clerk at ur place?
When is the last time you talked to #7?:: It’s emailing. Yesterday
Does #6 have any sibling’s?:: One little sister
Have you ever stalked #8? (If so, did you enjoy it?):: Me? Should I?
What is #5’s favorite TV show?:: Don’t know
Do you & 9 do some crazy stuff together?:: Hmm… describe specifically the word ‘crazy’ here plizzz
What is #4 was the antichrist?:: She’s pro Christ actually
Have you ever pictured #10 nude?:: Duh!!??
Does #3 have any pets?:: Dogs…
Do you know where #11 lives?:: NoCan you picture #2 having kids?:: I just can’t
Are you related to #12?:: Yeah, he used to be the OB of the old company I worked in
What if #1 turned out to be your lover?:: ARE YOU NUTS? IT’S MY SISTER YOU SKANK BITCH!!!!

Does #13 like to drink water?:: She should, we should, or we’d all die……..

I learned a lot, I got a lot, I gave a lot, I lost a lot

Smile, tears, laugh, anger

Where I met a lot kind of people,

Where I got goofed around

Where I knew love could be hurtful,

And smile could be a tragedy 

So many things happened, So many times to spend

So much tears to waste, So much guts to lose 

I found good friends, I found bad people 

Some talked nonsense, some talked cheap

Being ignorant, hypocrite, wishy-washy Being a total stupid individual,

Being a center of attention 

To grab a knowledge , To solve a problem

To save a heart, To give a heart

To sacrifice for nothing ,

To make nothing to be something

Seemed so hard, delusive, unexpected Something could be meaningful 

What was so priceless?

Contented mind, Redeemed soul Blessed mind, Peaceful look

Comforting smile 

When heaven took a shape in someone

To make my life… so cheerful Shivering

And meaningful

I wish I could read Your mind, I wish I can touch Your face.

But I can’t do those things, You’re too real to be touched  You can see me, but I can’t. I can feel You, I know You are here with me. You accompany me through my ups and downs. So great is Your love, I can’t bear it no more. So precious is Your presence, I can hardly breathe.  You shower me with Your love all the time. 

So nice You treat my heart. Gently heal it when I’m so blue. So grateful I’m having You in my life. Tears mean nothing to You. Storm is no big deal for You. When it comes to me to see You, I’ll be the happiest woman in Heaven 

Thanks for everything, Jesus!!!

Your strength is my power. Your faith is my belief. Your weakness is lovable. Your love is unconditional.

Pure, relieving. Simple, believing. Humble, protecting. UNDERSTANDING. 

Your anger convinces my heart. No doubt, my faults. Jealousy is hard to come by. Heart’s too naïve to ask why. 

Whatever, however. Whenever, wherever. Those don’t matter. Then make me a true fighter. 

Love’s unequal to hatred. Indescribable, untouchable. Feel it, it’s comforting. Share it, it’s undeniable. 

Who wouldn’t accept the truth? God’s never goofed around. He’s given us faiths.

Our souls are now mates.

You know, working when you don’t  feel like doin it is hard. And workin on the things that you don’t like doin it is hard too. Now I’m wondering wats the best job I can do. To be a true writer? Damn yes! But not a crap writer, though. But no experience workin in some magazine or somtin. So, maybe I’d start writing some shit and send them all to any magazine that would appreciate my thoughts. You know, its like hell thinking how to make money when everything turns out to reject your work and everybody seems to push you doin things you hate. God, need a way out, really. Can’t talk to nobody. They won’t listen to me. I got too many whinings they’re fed up listening to them.

The best I can do is probably…waiting. Waiting for things to get better. But, I hate waiting. That means I must do somtin soon. But wat?

Hmm, sometimes I have this wacky question in my head. Can we get paid for imagining? God, I’ll be fuckin rich by now if that could happen. Yeeah, you spend your whole day imagining anything you like (not porn ones, that’s so retarded ), then you report to your great imaginer boss wat you’ve imagined that far, and get paid cuz wat you imagine is outstanding. Only rare and bizarre imagination accepted, not cliché imagination that you wanna have a car and a house and suchlike, it’s much more meaningful than those. Then we can make a writing out of those imagination. I bet the story out of marvelous imagination would be an excellent reading.

I think people should start makin that happen. I’d love to be the first, but paying people when you yourself so fuckin need money is impossible. So, I really hope someone would start it out. I’d be super happy to be the fist imaginer lady in the land of imagination. ™